Excited, Scared, Overwhelmed, Blessed
Friday, April 16, 2010
Now coming to the exciting reality of graduation. Trust me, it's exciting to think about being all done with school. But, I have been in constant prayer about what to do afterward, where to go?
God has been so good to put people in my life to "push" me towards a decision that God wanted me to make in the first place. I am very influenced by the people I love, and their input is extremely important to me. To some people that may seem irresponsible, or maybe just not a good idea. But it's who I am. The reason why I think this decision is so hard is because it is based off of no one else, but myself. Yes, it will affect some people's lives in a minor way, but primarily it will only affect me. And this reality has been the hardest to accept. With a good year of praying about it, long prayer sessions, and a lot of "heart-tugging" from the Holy Spirit, I've made the decision to go back home to Turlock after I graduate. God hasn't given me this big "sign" or reason to go home except for the mere fact and feeling that I miss home, I love home, I have amazing friends there, and my family's support. Who could ask for a better reason right? Pride, is what holds me back from sharing as to why I want to go home, or even telling people generally. I don't have a job up there, I AM going to live back home with my parents, and it's going to be hard to adjust. I know all of these things. What I've learned through many amazing conversations, prayer times, and crying, is that God may not have the reason for me going home clear just yet. That is what I pray for everyday though, for clarity. "Lord please make it abundantly clear if You want me to go home or not." And now I've come to the point in my prayer time where I say,"Lord, I want to go home, if you don't want me there, show me." Which is an extemely hard prayer to pray, because I DO want to go home :). I know this is alot to say in one post, but it's constantly on my heart, and I wanted to share it with everyone. God has not made it clear as to why He's put it on my heart to go back home, but I'll keep praying that He shows me, and I know He will.
Turlock bound in about a month, and I am feeling excited, scared, overwhelmed, and extremely blessed that I can still call it Home.
Blessings to you all*